Woke up with a heavy heart.


I shouldn't be denying this feeling anymore. Because the more I do it.

I kept on wondering what dreams are.

Why do we dream of people we love?
>> Unconscious desire?
>> Because we know you have plans to be with them?
>> Or simply because you can't stop thinking about that person?

Does dreams has meaning?
>> Maybe? That's all I can say.


Does dream guides us or gives us direction?
>> Until now. I don't know.

Those are some of my questions regarding dreams. I never really found an answer. Or maybe I did and chose to ignore it.

And here I found a site regarding dreams, I'll be reading this soon.
>> http://www.thewildrose.net/dream.htm <<
>> http://www.dreams.ca/nightmares.htm <<




And sometimes I wish the things I've dreamed about becomes a reality. Especially dreams that involves people whom you love. Friends, family and the person you really care.




 
“The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night which was psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness, and which will remain psyche no matter how far our ego-consciousness extends.”  - Carl Jung  

Yes from what the title says..I'm shaping my future..and by this I have to sacrifice lots of things..

This year I'm going to practice self-discipline and professionalism. Learn to control myself and learn to be little more sensitive.

What else?

Going to distance myself with some people where I know it is getting me nowhere. I hate to do this, but I have to.

Going to practice again what I love most and that is animation, crafting, and drawing. Screw past experience I won't let them pull me down anymore.

I know this is year it would be a very tough year for me but I know this is for the better. God please be with me in everything I do.

So let the CHALLENGE BEGIN.

I'm done with being too emotional, I'm done in just sitting on the corner just waiting for anything to happen.

Hopefully..by the end of the year..I can be a changed man. A well disciplined person, a great leader and such. Maybe one year is not enough, but in the future I want to be that kind of a person.

It has been a while since I've written something in multiply

It's now year 2012

And I guess I still haven't changed that much. The good side that is.

And the bad side of me..seems to be disappearing slowly.

This year, I'll be aiming for something I thought it would be impossible, but talking with different people I realized something. (Will write something about it in the near future)

I just want to share some quotes that just came out of my mind and some quotes shared by my friends. forgive me if it has something to do with plagiarism.

"Success cannot be achieve without trying"
"Life is hard, just deal with it"
"Every problem has a solution, even if you think it's impossible"
"Help because you want to help, not because you want something in return"

A Quote from a friend, whom I just recently met:
"If you think you'll just fail in the end, don't bother doing it in the first place then"

I think I'll be updating this soon.
And lastly without God, I am nothing as well.

Enrollment starts today. And by next week the class will start.

For now I don't feel like going to school, nor being in school. Although I have friends I want to meet again. But then the pressure, stress, assignments, projects, exams. I don't want to do all those things. OR NEVER DID I ONCE want to do those things.


Maybe I'll give myself another try, to love the teacher and the subject. Or even the school itself.



Well Good luck and God bless for me I guess?

And lastly I give all my school problems to God. So help me God I'm in your hands.

This summer break I'm gonna do something which I've always wanted to do in the past

And that is to take pictures of nature. Yeah I really want that ever since then.


Will be posting pics whenever this plan would proceed. I want to chill, relax and enjoy mother nature while biking and taking pictures..hopefully God would protect me on this.

Since my mom says I'm always prone to danger or let's say I always invite danger wherever I go. And I think of that as a compliment and I don't know why.

Staring at the computer and without even realizing it is already 2am

Was in a deep thought of something. Thinking about things like life, goals, dreams, responsibility and maturity.

Yes, I'm in a state right now where I don't know where to go, where to run, where to hide even.
I want everything to end. This world, this life.

I'm not really that nihilistic but the reason why I wanted the world to end, is because I wanted the world to have a new start. A new beginning.

Right now, the world is falling apart. People are losing their values, our economy is declining and even nature itself is deteriorating. Who would want to live in a world like this?

And yeah, maybe I'm just too selfish rather than letting the world end to have a new beginning. Maybe I should try doing something like ending my 'self' right now and start a new life, a new beginning, a new goal, a new dream. That would be better.

But with that, I have to sacrifice lots of things, too many things to let go.

All I need right is now an answer from God, guide me to the right path please. I'm relying on You and I believe You will really lead me to the right path. Where you God will be pleased with me and I, myself will be enjoying the new path I've taken.

And besides ending the world, means losing my friends, parents, relatives, their smiles and even their memories that I was with them enjoying and smiling and all the fun we've been through.

Today: Body pain all over my body. So exhausted from dancing yesterday but yet it was fun.

Things to do today: Too many to mention. (But let me rest first)

And now back to reality. Must finish making my assignments and tasks.

Yes I am moving on.

Its about time I'll stand up again and continue on my race.

Yes, in the past. So many things had happened to me. Lost almost everything.

And one of them:

Almost had a broken family (But seriously, it was a broken family). My mom and dad almost got divorced perhaps because of money and the responsibility to take care of us. But thank God he answered my prayer and the family is whole again. (Its a long story).

And about me, I could not get over about a certain something and someone in the past. But gladly I was over it when I stepped on college. But then at that time as well I've lost those things called "emotions". Became apathetic, useless and somewhat had a very low self-esteem.

Well those are just some of the things I've lost and recovered in the past. They're still too many to mention but it'd be too depressing.

And continuing on the present time. The past I had. I'm over it.

I'm going back to run on the race, moving forward but I'll take a little glimpse at the back, to remind myself of my mistakes and learn.

And people keep asking me why I became a Psychology student, and here's the answer

Its almost summer...

Yes just a little more and finally free from stress. And will be able to enjoy and experience FUN again.

Yeah, lately been so busy with lots of stuffs (related to school) but I'm glad the outcome is okay.
Improve grades, is now more sociable than before met new friends and became more and more responsible.

Been thankful with the lesson I've learned so far in this semester, been inspired a lot and really was moved with what the teacher has taught us.

Now I'm praying so hard that all my grades will be C above. Not C AND above.

I know God will grant me this. For I know I've been doing my part as well.

Finally this week has ended. Failed to go to church because I fell asleep and been so unproductive on this day.

Lately I've been thinking a lot. Seriously thinking a lot..a lot and lots of things which in the end I get tired or exhausted and falls asleep early and wakes up early in the morning.

I'm so confused on what to do, what to say or even how to react with people lately. I don't even know why.

I keep on smiling trying to hide the sadness and the pain I've been feeling the whole week. I don't even know why I feel this way.



Because the only way to gain happiness and freedom is to surpass the pain, and some questions that still has no answer and somethings that you find it hard it to accept in your heart.

So again this week. I give it all to God. So help me God with my trials and challenges. And if ever I feel pain please heal me as soon as possible so I could stand and rise again and able to fight the challenges in life.

Have you ever been to a state where you wish for something, then it happened and you don't know what to do next?

Have you ever been expecting something,then that expectation of yours did really happen but then in the end you don't know how to deal with situation you are in with?

If yes, why didn't you plan on what to do, what to say, how to act, when you were already expecting it, wishing for it.

I guess deep inside us, when we expect or wish for something, we really don't believe it will happen in the first place right?

Lately this week I seem to be so down.

I find it hard to smile and even perhaps to appreciate things.
Maybe because perhaps I am lost and confused?

I can't even keep my composure I tend to complain a lot than before.
Is it because of stress? Work? Pressure? Or perhaps because I am missing someone.

Right now I want to believe in something, chain letters, fortune telling, or even tarot reading. I want a little sign of hope. A hope that maybe perhaps triggers me to make a move. And at least this will give me a reason to move forward.

All I want right now is to believe in something or just anything. A reason to fight, a reason to live. I am at my limit now. Perhaps some could even see I desperately needed help and comfort.

Yes I'm saying goodbye to my former self (Trying to)

Not the reason because of new year. No because I don't believe in something called New Year resolution.

Yes I do want to change. Almost everything about me.

-The way how I act, I need to be more mature
-Time Management
-Needs to be more decisive and stick to that decision.
-Needs to be more optimistic inside. Yes in reality I'm very pessimistic but I just don't want   others to see the pessimistic side of me because I don't want them to be affected.
-Needs to take off some certain masks.
-Needs to express things more on what I feel and what I think.

Maybe those are the only things I need to change right now. Everything is school related.

Screw love so hello goodbye to it. (But then I think I would be eating those words again)

And lastly I'm tired of lying to myself, denying things and never accepting it.

Here I am again facing the computer, trying to write something.

And today I've noticed. Because I have nothing else to write.

Finally I got the time to blog again.

Seriously, this is the only place where I could let go of everything. But enough said its time to talk about what happened on my absence on multiply.



And LOVE LIFE! Oh yeah love life! I seem to be attracted with this certain someone, a girl that is, no a woman to be exact or else I might be branded as pedophilia. But anyways this is quite rare because this girl is not wearing glasses (which I find girls cute when they wear glasses). But for reasons I don't know why, for the past few days I can't stop thinking about her. Maybe because she reminds me of someone or is just plain curiosity that I just want to know her?

But who cares, right? I'm not planning anything at all though, and I don't think this is called a love life anyways.

Was able to go to the roof deck/rooftop because I'm hearing some fireworks just outside the house, and hopefully I thought I could see some flashy lights go "boom" "boom" on the sky. Which I just realized they worked for their money for months and just bought some firework product and after a few seconds of firework display all their money gone to waste. But that is not the point here.

While enjoying the scenery of dismay, because I wasn't able to see any firework display I instead looked at the stars. And again the feeling of being loneliness occurs to me once again.

Why do I want to view the stars with someone else?
Because It's romantic and cold where both of you could hug together and keep warm while stargazing. Aside from that, I wanted to do stargazing with someone else because I wanted them to know that even darkness there is light. Or even in the dark you could find peace in yourself.

God made all things beautiful even in darkness.

So when you are lost and is in the dark, try searching for a star. Perhaps that would give you a light to guide you, a hope, a reason to believe in or perhaps an answer you have been looking for.

And that star could be YOU, FRIEND, LOVE ONES or perhaps GOD.

Have decided and is convincing myself..

Firstly: Have more faith for God.


Secondly: Focus my life more on God.


Thirdly: If you have to choose, choose God first


Fourth: Believe in God and believe he will answer your prayer.

Expressing my feelings are the most hardest thing I could ever do.

Life itself has full of challenges and this is one of the challenges that I find it hard to achieve.

Would you wish sometimes things would be much more easier when it comes to emotions?




*Confused much on what to do now I guess. And past is past*